RobbUnfiltered Weekly NFL One-Liners: Week 1

Week 1: Browns blow it, Brown brings his blowhard show to Boston, and the Fins just flat-out blow.

Arizona Cardinals (0-0-1) — Kissing your sister never felt so good (this got creepy really quick).

Atlanta Falcons (0-1) — Already underachieving at a new level in 2019.

Baltimore Ravens (1-0) — Pump the brakes Balmorons, the Fins are about as lethal as Slippery Rock University.

Buffalo Bills (1-0) — Thankfully, the Jets forgot to spend money on a kicker.

Carolina Panthers (0-1) — Cam Newton thinks OC Norv Turner has Christian McCaffrey on his fantasy team…probably because Cam can’t get the ball in the end zone.

Chicago Bears (0-1) — Sunday’s action has made most of us forget about Thursday night’s debacle at Soldier Field…most of us.

Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) — The Bengals can’t be that good, can they?

Cleveland Browns (0-1) — The Browns will be the Browns and do Browns things until they stop being the Browns.

Dallas Cowboys (1-0) — Absolutely loaded with a QB, WR and coach in a “prove it” year–that’s dangerous for the NFC (I just threw up typing that).

Denver Broncos (0-1) — Joe Flacco picks up where he left off in Baltimore…sucking.

Detroit Lions (0-0-1) — The Lions will attempt to go either 5-5-6 or 0-0-16…I can’t decide.

Green Bay Packers (1-0) — Five years ago, with this defense, this would be the best Packers team ever.

Houston Texans (0-1) — Deshaun Watson should call David Carr for some advice on how to handle being sacked so much in Houston.

Indianapolis Colts (0-1) — Don’t sleep on the Colts.

Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) — Nick Foles can’t catch a break outside of Philly.

Kansas City Chiefs (1-0) — Expect more Mahomes magic this year.

Los Angeles Chargers (1-0) — The running game has too many questions for me to have complete faith in this squad.

Los Angeles Rams (1-0) — You can keep saying there is nothing wrong with Todd Gurley, but clearly, there is.

Miami Dolphins (0-1) — Players already want out of Miami…shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which happens first.

Minnesota Vikings (1-0) — The Vikes might have figured it out–less Kirk Cousins means more wins.

New England Patriots (1-0) — Maybe the only locker room that can tame Antonio Brown.

New Orleans Saints (1-0) — Should’ve been in the past two Super Bowls…the window may be shut by seasons’ end.

New York Giants (0-1) — At least they get to play the Redskins twice.

New York Jets (0-1) — A team of AFC East All-Stars could not compete with the Patriots, so why do the Jets think that they can?

Oakland Raiders (1-0) — Nothing like addition by subtraction to bond a team.

Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) — Rumor has it, Eagles fans also beat the shit out of Bryce Harper after the Redskins game because they wish he was still in D.C.

Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) — Nothing like addition by subtraction to…oh, wait, maybe it’s Ben or Tomlin.

San Francisco 49ers (1-0) — The Niners win the battle of shitty QB play in their opener.

Seattle Seahawks (1-0) — The Seahawks got punked at home by the Bungals, so I now have zero faith in them.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) — If Coach Bruce can’t fix the Crab Man, no one can.

Tennessee Titans (1-0) — Better than advertised until people start to notice.

Washington Redskins (0-1) — I’m not going to bring up the fact that Jay Gruden didn’t dress Adrian Peterson, or fire DC Greg Manusky in the off-season, or learn how to make halftime adjustments…or am I?

RobbUnfiltered is a sports podcast based out of Richmond, Va. Find me on Twitter @RobbUnfiltered. Email me at robbunfiltered@gmail.com.

This show is sponsored by On The Rox, Ponies & Pints, and Social 52, which are all located in Richmond, Va.

Sports. Life. Zero Fucks. #RobbUnfiltered

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