Week 9: Professor RobbUnfiltered grades each team at the midway point.
Arizona Cardinals (3-5-1) — B-: The young kid that survived being stuffed in a locker and is getting popular.
Atlanta Falcons (1-7) — F: The kid who thinks they are the smartest guy in the room.
Baltimore Ravens (6-2) — B+: The blue-collar kid you can’t help but root for.
Buffalo Bills (6-2) — C+: They are the school yard bully who beats up on the scrawny kids.
Carolina Panthers (5-3) — B: The kid who finally got rid of his ego.
Chicago Bears (3-5) — C-: The kid who is smart but doesn’t do his homework.
Cincinnati Bengals (0-8) — F: The kid who looks like they are paying attention but then they open their mouth. But at least they are not like they’re cousin Cleveland.
Cleveland Browns (2-6) — C: What? Not an F? Because this is the kid whose guidance counselor tells him, “You’re a loser and you’ll probably always be a loser.”
Dallas Cowboys (5-3) — C: What? Same grade as the Browns? Yes. The most popular kid in school (in his own mind) that no one really likes but for some reason is still popular.
Denver Broncos (3-6) — C-: This kid thought he was going to be the Homecoming King but he wasn’t even nominated.
Detroit Lions (3-4-1) — C-: The kid that comes out of the gate hard and slowly fizzes out.
Green Bay Packers (7-2) — A: The flashy, cocky kid that comes from a really nice family.
Houston Texans (6-3) — B-: The kid that has terrible parents but still manages to keep it together.
Indianapolis Colts (5-3) — B+: The kid who no one gave a chance to.
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-5) — C: The kid with the best mustache.
Kansas City Chiefs (6-3) — B: The best-looking kid in the class but has no game.
Los Angeles Chargers (4-5) — C: The kid that keeps switching schools.
Los Angeles Rams (5-3) — C+: The kid that got too much credit last semester.
Miami Dolphins (1-7) — Incomplete: That kid who sits in the parking lot selling shitty weed all day instead of going to class.
Minnesota Vikings (6-3) — B: This is that kid that overachieves until it comes to taking the SAT.
New England Patriots (8-1) — B: The kid you have to watch during test taking time because they might be cheating but you can’t figure out how. Always wears a hoodie and looks disheveled.
New Orleans Saints (7-1) — A: The kid that has been sick for most of the semester but still manages to pull off top marks.
New York Giants (2-7) — D: The kid who got a new haircut that everyone loved at first but then realized that he is still a fucking turd.
New York Jets (1-7) — F: The kid that every teacher bitches about in the teacher’s lounge.
Oakland Raiders (4-4) — B: The kid that every teacher hates but can’t find a reason to fail.
Philadelphia Eagles (5-4) — C: The drunk, obnoxious kid who is usually passed out at his desk within 15 minutes after class starts. Also, once threw a battery at a teacher.
Pittsburgh Steelers (4-4) — B: The kid that always gets his way somehow.
San Francisco 49ers (8-0) — B: The kid who has hasn’t had to study much yet this semester.
Seattle Seahawks (7-2) — A: The kid that everyone wants to cheat off of.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-6) — D: That kid who is going to grow to be Florida Man.
Tennessee Titans (4-5) — C: That kid that you think knows what he’s doing but then fucks it all up.
Washington Redskins (1-8) — F-: The spoiled, short, self-entitled, rich kid who has no friends and sits in the back of the room making fart sounds.
RobbUnfiltered is a sports podcast based out of Richmond, Va. Find me on Twitter @RobbUnfiltered. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This show is sponsored by On The Rox, Ponies & Pints, and Social 52, which are all located in Richmond, Va.
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- RobbUnfiltered Ep. 93: Marching In
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